Busyness of Worldly Activities

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At 10:30 am I was on the plane while looking at the cluster of clouds moved towards Palu from Jakarta, Sunday, April 29, 2012.

Everyday, people especially for they who live in Jakarta must have felt like the picture above, leaving early in the morning or doing anything in a rush if we oversleep. Sometimes we feel that the time which is given to us as much as 24 hours still feels lacking and if given time more than 24 hours for sure we choose the time more than 24 hours. The above figures are often encountered. Actually I've wanted to write since two days ago but due to lack of time and opportunities, besides I also have to share my time with family and my little angel, the most beautiful gift from Allah SWT named Dhisa Ezza Radhiya Putri, which is mean "the daughter of Andy and Nisa whom expected to be solehah, intelligent and virtuous ".

Subhanallah, thank you Allah SWT, you give health to me today so I can write on a Garuda Indonesia 608. Then, when I looked to the seat next to me there is a passenger who got ill (fever) and really sorry for him, and as I looked at the aircraft windows I can see the clean white clouds and the houses which looked like just dots and hardly noticeable. So how about humans? Certainly unseen at all.

When I was at the top and looked down I felt great and high, and when I was on the ground I felt big and tall if I look at the smaller things than me (the definition of small that I mean can be size, position, knowledge, wealth and handsomeness or beauty).

But when the plane shaked because of the bad weather, all sense of feeling high and feeling great were just gone, because everything belongs only to Allah while I am just a humble servant, sinful and not infallible.

Alhamdulillah, then I stopped writing for a while due to receiving the delicious food and my favorite chocolate ice cream but pity the passenger next to me, that young man was feverish he can’t enjoy the ice cream. Thank you Allah SWT and thank the stewards and stewardesses Garuda Indonesia for giving me good food with hospitality and the video I listened to while I was writing.

Back to the theme, worldly activities

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My name is Andy Kurniawan, 32 years old at the time of 2012. I am the eldest of two brothers. At the beginning I write this story, I think I want to hide my identity but it seems not right or I was afraid to lie to God and all readers, May Allah SWT give inspiration and enlightenment in this paper. Amen.

 I've worked for 8 years in a government agency. I got the knowledge about computer science and Alhamdulillah I am capable of making computer application (programmer). Programmers are very independent and their interest at the computer sometimes unwittingly makes them selfish, they feel like they are very expert in the field of computers, and arrogant (I felt it). When I first time got to my workplace in Rangkas Bitung, I felt the obvious difference compared to what I felt first time in Jakarta. The office building had not completely built. And when I entered the office environment the land were still earthy red and had not been asphalted. It’s very contradictory to all that I received before I work in Rangkas Bitung. I used to work in an apartment and now I work in remote areas and distances between Jakarta and Rangkas Bitung are  about 3 hours drive if using a car or bus. My first experience in Rangkas Bitung is being pickpoketed when I took the train for the first time to Rangkas Bitung. A hunch that I felt when I was about to left was to buy cigarettes and split the money in two pockets of my jeans. In the right pocket there is a money of 300 thousand rupiahs and in the left pocket there is a money of 70 thousand rupiahs. I've never been to Rangkas Bitung and have never had the experience of riding the train, when the train was crowded and I was leaning back and holding my pants pocket, over time I was in the middle of a railway carriage, and there was many people were going to go out of the train and they jostle. At that moment pickpocket’s hands grope into the pockets of my jeans and reached 300 thousand money. It happened so fast. At that time I freaked out and just a few minutes away to got to the Rangkas Bitung station. I was very angry, upset and confused at that time, because I only had 70 thousand rupiahs left in my pocket. Initially, I intend to see the location of my office and search for my homestay but after that incident, what I thought is I have to go straight home. At that time I asked Allah SWT so that I could return home safely. Alhamdulillah, I could got home safely.

When I was in Rangkas Bitung, I noticed the condition of the office building that has not been ashpalted and the computers were only a few units. I was entrusted to make the application in Rangkas Bitung. I worked several months without salaries and if I remember that moment I felt like I was dropped by God from the palace to the village because when I worked in Jakarta everything is available and the money is sufficient, the problem is just about the lack of time that I have. Otherwise, when I was in Rangkas Bitung I had more spare time but I had no money and facilities. But I am still grateful that I felt I was safe and did not need to look for job again because of being a Civil Servant.

My daily activities are making computer programs and working with computer programs. Unconsciously, I always work alone and only busy with myself and less socializing with my office mates. But I feel happy and excited although not on the payroll, maybe because I had the time and job which is match with my interest.

After a while, I was transferred to Jakarta because I was needed there. So I back to my busyness and ignoring the time and I felt like the time passed so fast. Early in the morning, I had to be set and were immediately confronted to the work and make the application, besides the problem of some employees were not really understand about computers. I felt like I was losing my spare time and in many times I pray right before the end of praying times. I also often late for lunch.

I often go out of the town; Bandung, Cianjur, Palembang, West Nusa Tenggara and other cities. My time was spent for worldly activities only and I always in a rush to make the application. Sometimes I had to sleep late night, and even in some nights I hadn’t slept at all because the application must be completed at that time. When my wife was pregnant, I was with him just only for few days because I often went out of town for job purpose. Prayer is only a mere duty, life is just to make money and the pleasure and satisfaction of a job and job targets that must be met. Apparently Allah the most seeingful didn’t leave me alone gripped by excitement and bustle of the world. I often feel the emptiness and felt like there was something missing, although I had a steady job, money and position probably has no equal with me because the only one who expert in computer was only me. My arrogance and the feeling of having everything controlled my life at that time. Until then, I’d never asked about the money of my wife and I never tried out to ask. The habit of going away from home at that time makes me forget and fall asleep and I felt as the busiest man in the world because at that time I solved out almost all of the problems.

Allah warned me with smallpox when the pregnancy of my wife was at third month. I reluctantly had to took a rest at home and had to sleep alone. I felt the heat at a certain time, in the afternoon or in the morning. And felt the itch that are not measurable as the smallpox had been out, and I wanted to scratch it so much.

Because I was usually busy with my activities and had a wealthy life, the excess money made me to be extravagant and consumetive. I do not understand the value of money and the importance of money at that time. The point is, if I wanted something then I bought it and I was not so concerned with the business and needs of others. When I got ill, I felt like in bondage and I thought why Allah SWT wicked me because of this ill I can’t work and itching due to smallpox also makes me miserable, besides my wife couldn’t be with me.

I felt alone, then Allah warned me

The beginning days of being sick man, the words that came from my heart and my mouth are rough words and the feeling of objection and blame God for the illness I suffered, although only smallpox. What if I suffered cancer? Maybe I could kill myself. : D

About 2 weeks at home, I couldn’t go out and were not allowed to take a bath. Smallpox made my body stinks, felt cranky and bored like in a prison. It felt like a flying free bird, suddenly arrested and put into a golden cage. I was really sad and unpleasant though everything was available but freedom. If the readers has a hobby to keep a bird, I’m really sorry for their fate in the cage and how it feels when we are treated like that?

When I got health, I felt free and came back to my busyness. I had never been to the mosque and praying always late and running out of time. My wife who was pregnant not that I noticed because of my busyness, I even sometimes took my office work to home. At that time I just thought of myself, and less attention to the condition of my wife.

I had been a selfish man who thinks that everything can be done with money, and everything was money can buy. Has the reader feels like this? I am an ordinary employee who recently had a little money was ever felt like this, then how about an officer or conglomerate who have much money, huh ..?!

The contents of the Qur'an

"And when it was read to him Our verses he turned to boast as though he had not heard it, as if there are plugs in both ears; then give him the good news with a painful doom. "(Q.S Luqman: 7)

At Hotel Palu at 21:00 on 29 April 2012, when my eyes couldn’t be closed and after the Isha prayer in congregation and the pilgrimage to the tomb of Habib Al Alamah Idrus Bin Salim Al Jufri. The air is cold because of the air conditioning and an eye that had not been closed though I was tired from a day on the plane did not make me fall asleep.

My life moved from one city to another, to stay there, work and work again. Because I gone too often, my wife once had called me at 11 pm asking me to go home that night and as usual I could not fulfill her wish because I was out of town. In material aspect, my wife's no shortage of material, but maybe times when she was pregnant, she needs the love of the husband, but I couldn’t fulfill her wish because of busy work. To relieve stress I usually smoke, wandering to the mall and sometimes buy things that are not necessary, even it was unthinkable for me about the cost of giving birth of my wife.

More and more I was away from Allah SWT and the peak is when I was angry at Allah SWT because when my wife was checked with USG in the womb looks that the child was girl. I was angry and upset, I also ignored my wife for a while because I was mad why was not the boy who was in my wife's womb.

For a few days I couldn’t accept the reality that in my  wife's womb there was a female fetus.

At that time I was made aware by Allah concerning the rights of God to create creatures. It is not us who created it all, but only God who created and only Allah Wills.

Just like a tremendous slap because apparently we are only ordinary human and not a nothing and a nobody. Sometimes we feel that we are quite sure that we make things. Have the readers ever feel quite sure that the readers are most powerful or super awesome?

Only a few days I felt screwed up and Alhamdulillah I talked to my friend that the most important thing is our children healthy and intact. I was regretful and thank to my friend. We have to accept fate and all His will.

Sometimes what we want is not the best for us according to Allah SWT. Allah is the All-Knowing what is the best for His servants.

Busyness always keeps crushing to the point that when I received an order with a friend of mine to create a computer application that is in Bekasi, I still take it although the consequence is that every Saturday or Sunday I had to go to Bekasi. I tried to be strong and tried to be able to successfully become a father. What will I sacrifice for my wife and children? The answer is:

The time could not have come back even if only 1 second

I feel exhausted because almost every week I often leaving my family, especially my wife who was pregnant. I very rarely call and meet my parents, even I was ignoring Allah and I thought that prayer is simply a mere obligation, a routine and movements only. Have the reader ever feel like that?

I become irritable, tired and hollow with the life I live. I often tried to seek pleasure that is not boring, but not finding too.

I ask myself what I'm looking for?

The answer is only 5 letters: MONEY

For what is it?

To live and meet my physical needs

What will I sacrifice?

Time, energy, thoughts and family and sometimes faith is forced to be given

Is that expensive to make money?

Often, yes

What if these are continue and my child is less attention from me?

Maybe that's a consequence and everyone is doing it to get what he/she wants.

At that time I just stopped and tried to justify my answer and strive to provide the best for my wife and my child. I prepare the child in the womb of my wife, both physically and spiritually, and enjoy it, especially when our child were moving steadily in the mother's abdomen. It is true that if we had a child any tired of work activities will surely disappear. Finally I started to enjoy having a child while still in the womb and I am so thankful that Allah entrusts to me give me a child.

One thing that I remember at that time was I was grateful to quickly had a child because a lot of people do not have children and I brought together by Allah to those who have not been given the mandate and they tried hard to get a child both material and physical, with the drug and consult a doctor in ways that are not easy and If I were on their position, I definitely couldn’t live that anymore.

You can buy  ebook The Process seeking Allah at Amazon (KDP) or Google Play Store or Getscoop.com or itunes